we want to marry but his family ....

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Yesterday, 11:01 AM	? #9 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Kansas City Metro area Posts: 262	Xania, at 22, you probably can't even realize yet just how wrong HE is. You can't make his family accept you. You didn't break up his marriage, but he definitely did. Even if his wife had affairs, and even if it was because he was unkind to her, that means he didn't make his marriage enough of a priority. In fact, he coped with it by turning to a girl who is young enough to be his child and getting her pregnant while he is still married. There are so many red flags here that the only truly good answer I can give you is that you would be smart to reconsider having this relationship at all. Luckily for you, his family is forcing you to open your eyes and look at the situation, but you might still not see what you should be seeing - that your relationship with this man isn't a healthy one.
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Yesterday, 02:37 PM	? #15 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Kansas City Metro area Posts: 262	Quote: uhm okay but let me just clear out some things well the first thing is that i dont want to blame his wife for breaking her marriage alone ...... i know that we have made bad things as well and he (my boss) moved out after he found out that his wife cheated so they we're actually seperated (he 100 % wanted a divorce) we weren't in a relationship we just started to hang out togheter and after a while he said that he wants to be with me and we had sex, and i got pregnant while he is divorcing and yes being pregnant in such a time is really stupid but it just happend that way and when i told him that i'am expecting a child he was just happy and loved the baby from the first moment we just taught that he could divorce his wife .. marry me have the baby and live happily togheter but things are just bad right now and we're not proud of that what happend but it happend and we just want to make the best thing out of it and you can sayy sugar baby or gold digger how much u want but i will only say that this is 100000% love and nothing bout the money or else thank you Stuff happens. I hope things work out as you'd like them to, though it'll be hard to get there. I've mentioned some red flags that I hope you'll look at. Here's one more that is a BIG one, too. At your age, you're just starting in your career. You'll be at the peak of your career right around the time he's going to be ready to retire. Some questions I hope you'll ask yourself (whenever applicable): - How will things be when he has no work responsibilities and you still have to go to work every day? Will he go off and do his own thing? Will you be the ball and chain that keeps him from travelling, starting a hobby career, or whatever his goals are? - Your child will be reaching college age as he's getting ready to retire. Will you both be able to put away for college AND retirement? - Will he resent you if you want to spend money and have fun at a time when he needs to putting away money for retirement? - How will your energy and motivation levels work together or conflict as the years pass when there's such a large age gap?
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